Regrets and Reason
by elephanteyes514
Summary: Kurt and Blaine had a falling out, but Blaine tried his hardest to move on and accept the good things in his life. While in the middle of class, Kurt and the Warblers are pulled out by the headmaster. Blaine has been in a car crash and has limited time to say goodbye to those who matter most. How will the boys cope? What will happen to Blaine?
1. Backstory

**AN: Hi everyone. It feels so weird to be posting on FanFic again. It has been almost a decade since last I posted. This is something that has been on my mind for awhile. This chapter is almost exclusively the backstory to the real storyline. It is necessary to setup what is happening latter. Please read and review!**

_Context: Blaine goes to Dalton with Kurt, Wes, David, Nick, Jeff, and Sebastian. Kurt is still friends with the New Directions, but stayed at Dalton during season 3 instead of moving back to McKinley. Klaine never happened, but the two are best friends. _

Blaine Anderson was everything everyone wanted to be. He was handsome, smart, and basically perfect in every aspect of the word. Everyone at Dalton wanted his life, though no one would admit it. He was the definition of excellence: district NHS president, Teen Court volunteer, straight A student, involved with many clubs, enrolled in tons of APs, and still found time to be chosen for a national youth board, and complete two separate independent research projects. Yet although he had all of this on his plate, he was still available for tutoring or just comforting his friends when they were in need. To quote his favorite movie, "He was the coolest person, and didn't even try".

To him, that was the most untrue statement ever. Blaine was one of those people whose life looked amazing to everyone but hmm. He saw himself as second rate. The backup friend, you know the person that people went to when they had problems, but never reciprocated. But worst of all, he was the best friend to the boy he loved: Kurt. Blaine felt like Kurt hardly noticed him, no matter what he did. It had always been that way for him; being the trusted friend of the guys, never being the boy they use one night and then forgot forever or added to their count of people they hooked up with. But this was one part of his life he didn't want any way else, that is, except with Kurt.

Kurt had been Blaine's best friend, and crush, since he saw him on that staircase when he was 15. Now at the age of 18, they were the closest any two people can be without adding any of the physical stuff. But, Blaine still saw himself as somewhat of an outcast. He never felt included or wanted at Dalton, in fact, on some days he felt downright invisible. But even with all of this, he could not imagine trading his life.

He had his good days, and they were numerous. His classes were amazing and filled with a wide variety of friends. In each class it seemed as though he was part of a different clique, perhaps that's why what happened ruined so many lives.

In order to give his story justice, we must start two weeks before the actually event. It was the end of winter break and Blaine was finally getting over the chaos with Kurt and allowing himself to open up to a new relationship. Here I should digress to tell you about Kurt. You see, over the course of their friendship, Kurt had always been a basket case. You know the type, a guy who just cannot get a grasp on his life, and because of that, is constantly dumping his problems on his friends. The kind of person who calls you just to yell and vent then hangs up as if you did something wrong.

Over the months preceding the event, Kurt started dating his old bully, Dave, and from that moment had been a complete ass to Blaine. But, always the loyal friend, Blaine tried to always be there for Kurt. He sat by his phone as Kurt missed their nightly phone calls and just let it slide week after week.

Then, Kurt betrayed him in the worse way possible and broke his heart. It all started with some harsh words on facebook. One night, Blaine decided to confront Kurt about his recent ways. After Kurt ignored five of his phone calls, Blaine posted on his facebook wall. A simple message asking Kurt to call him and reminding him of their upcoming movie plans. Blaine did not expect much to come from this post. Little did he know, it would change their entire relationship. Dave saw the post and commented on it, threatening to break up with Kurt over his friendship with Blaine.

When Kurt called that night, Blaine could hardly believe it. Instead of talking on the phone for hours like they used to, Kurt told Blaine he was acting pathetic and that he was done putting up with him. So in the course of one awful hour, Blaine had not only lost the boy he loved, but also that only friend he really felt he could trust.

Before the event, Blaine and Kurt had not talked for over three months, something that Kurt would regret for the rest of his life.

So two weeks before it occurred, Blaine was taking Kurt's advice and getting over him by getting under someone else. As he kissed Sebastian, he knew there was no chemistry, on his side at least, but he needed to do something and to connect with someone after Kurt. So as he lie on his couch making out for hours on end with Seb, his mind was fluttered with things that had nothing to do with what was going on. As Sebastian nibbled on his ear, he could not help but think of Kurt, and what he was doing in that moment.

But still, even with the chaos in his life, Blaine was happy.

As winter break ended, Blaine returned to school. But when he came back, he decided to make a stand. Thus, he cut his normally gelled hair just short enough that it would sit nice without any product and marched into the building with a vengeance. The first person he saw was Kurt. When he looked into those blue eyes, he wanted nothing more than to run over and hug his estranged friend. He knew that Dave had broken up with Kurt over break and that Kurt was going through a hard time. But, for once, Blaine decided to do something for himself. As Kurt came to speak to him, Blaine turned to a Sebastian and started to laugh at a funny story, completely ignoring Kurt, while telling him everything.

That week wound up being one of the best Blaine had. He laughed so hard he cried on multiple occasions and had a wonderful time just being himself and living. At the end of the week, with midterms approaching, Blaine was asked by his friend Wes to study for a ridiculous AP class. You see, Wes and the rest of Blaine's friends just assumed that he was not dating and found the idea that he would be doing anything but studying on a Friday night inconceivable. He hid his private life well. So when Wes asked Blaine to come over and study, he expected and automatic yes, attached with a suggestion of pepperoni pizza. When Blaine said no, Wes sarcastically said, "Why? Have a hot date?" Blaine gave Wes his winning smile and walked away with no explanation. That was the day that everything changed for Blaine. On that day He began to feel more confident and the pain of losing Kurt lessened a little.

Over that weekend Blaine was busy every second; not just studying for his exams. He literally had no time to stop and catch his breath, and even being sleep deprived, he had never felt so alive. During exam week, Blaine continued to study and hang out with his close friends. He had a blast and even was able to witness his second meteor shower on a wonderful night at the beach with Sebastian. On the last day of exams, Blaine went to school as usual to take his tests.

Everything was more than normal. He ignored Kurt, joked with Nike, and had a talk with Jeff. After his exam on Thursday, Blaine engaged in the three-year tradition with Nick and Wes. Ever since they had started driving, after exams they would go out and have lunch and just talk and have a good time. This year they were also joined by Sam, another close friend who went to Kurt's old school. They ate at this awesome place and laughed hysterically at the stories each of them had to share. Then, they saw a movie and talked some more. The memories of that night would be invaluable in a mere weekend, but at the time, it just seemed like the usual, nothing all that special, but fun all the same.

Blaine was originally from Connecticut, and planned on spending the four-day weekend after exams visiting his friends and potential colleges in the Northeast. So when he said good-bye to the guys that night after exams, brief hugs and wishes of a safe journey were exchanged, then they got into their cars, and engaged in another tradition, racing (under 60mhp) to the point at which their paths strayed.

When Tuesday morning arrived, everyone returned to school. Nick and Wes made jokes in first period about Blaine ditching because he was afraid of his exam grades, and how they would affect his perfect GPA, knowing all the while he had aced them. The day went on and they began to text him, asking why the hell he was ruining his perfect attendance by skipping school. Dalton did not accept anything less than perfect.

When the headmaster walked in and called Nick, Wes, Kurt, and Jeff out of class, they all exchanged looks of dismay.

They were told to follow him.

That's all he said, "_Follow Me_".

They had no idea what was coming and were in no way prepared for it. Once they had taken a seat in the headmaster's office and the door had been shut, he looked at the boys, really looked at them, as though it was his last chance to see them, and in many ways it was. It was the last time these boys would be carefree, funny boys.

After he said what needed to be said, they would never be the same.

He sat down, took a deep breath, looked at them again, and said, "This is about Blaine", and they knew without knowing that something was horribly wrong. He went on to tell them that Blaine's initial flight had been canceled due to icy weather and that it was rescheduled for that very same morning. When on the way to the airport with his family, however, there had been an accident.

**AN:TBC I have the next three chapters written already so if this story gets attention I will post them weekly. I know this chapter was mostly backstory but it gets really good after this. **

_SPOILER ALERT: The boys each have one minute to say goodbye to a trapped Blaine in the next chapter. _


	2. Phone Calls from Far Away

He sat down, took a deep breath, looked at them again, and said, "This is about Blaine", and they knew without knowing that something was horribly wrong. He went on to tell them that Blaine's initial flight had been canceled due to icy weather and that it was rescheduled for that very same morning. When on the way to the airport with his family, however, there had been an accident.

Blaine was on the phone.

The boys let out a collective sigh of relief, He was okay, He was on the phone, their prick of a headmaster had put them through that five minute speech from hell for nothing: then he told them.

Their minds went insane. They would each have two minutes to say good-bye to Blaine.

He was trapped in a car against a tree.

There had been black ice.

Something about Jaws of Life.

He was stuck in a way that when they tried to save him, Blaine would bleed too much.

He was going to die.

Die.

Dead.

Gone.

_Its impossible, this cannot be happening, what a shitty joke, whose idea was this, oh my god, this is really happening._ "Nick, he asked to speak to you first. I know this is hard, but hurry son there isn't much time" Nick's mind was racing. He did not know what to say or how to say good bye in two minutes to someone he has known for six years…

Finally, after taking a few seconds to process, he responded. "Okay, where is the phone"

"-Follow me"

Nick slowly picked up the phone and put it to his ear. He tried to clear his voice and be strong for Blaine. "Hey, its Nick, are you there?" Nick held his breath as he waited for Blaine's response.

"Its great to hear you voice, we don't have much time, so I want to say some things and don't be your normal self interrupting me okay?" Blaine's voice was strained and soft, but he could still the conviction in it. "Nick, you are one of the smartest guys I know. You have amazing potential and could do anything and everything in this world. Our friendship had meant so much to me, you know? Your witty comments and the humor on my expense was the one thing that constantly made Ohio feel like home. I had a great time at prom with you and I just,-, I just want you to know that your such a great person…" Blaine's voice cracked as though tears were running down His face, "…and you should never sell yourself out or be an idiot cause you are better than that and we both know it. Don't screw your life up, cause you are the one I am asking to live and make a difference-for me. Your turn now"

Nick took a deep breath. "I don't know what to say. This is screwing with my mind so bad, you're here and I am talking to you, but you won't be soon and I just need you to know that I love you and you are my absolute best friend. You have always been there for me and always, always, well you have always made me feel like even if I have a shitty day or if something bad happened, by talking to you I felt okay again. You made this home for me much more than I did for you."

There was a sense of urgency in Nick's voice as he said his final line, "You have to fight B, you have to make it through this cause if you don't, I don't think I will ever be ok."

"You'll be fine, you're stronger than you look Nick. Thanks for everything and I'll miss you and love you and I promise that if I can..." Blaine began to cry as though delivering this last line would break his heart, "I swear that I will haunt you, and if not I'll watch out for you with the big guy…can you put Wes on?"

And so these four fatefully goodbyes stretch on. As Nick left the room, he ran to the nearest bathroom, locked himself in a stall, and called his voicemail, merely to hear Blaine's voice one last time. Meanwhile, Wes and Jeff said their goodbyes and Kurt freaked as to what to say. He was shocked the Blaine had asked him. It had been months since they had spoken and Kurt was afraid Blaine would yell and tell Kurt what an awful friend he was.

As Kurt took the phone, he was utterly amazed by Blaine's first line. "I'm sorry Kurt. I miss you and I have been immature ignoring you and this whole thing sucks and I want you to know that I love you and I know you don't feel the same way but I had to tell you that I am sorry and that I forgive you and that I hope you forgive me"

"B, you cannot die, you hear me. You have to be okay, cause I want to give us a real shot. I am sorry I did not swallow my pride sooner, more sorry than you'll ever know. I just want to hold you and kiss you and be with you. I love you too. You cannot die you hear me. You cannot die because if you do I will be so screwed up. I won't survive you dying. I cannot do it. Even when we weren't talking I knew that if I needed someone you'd be there and that is what got me through so many horrible days, with you gone, I won't get through them."

"shhhh…" Blaine was actually calming Kurt, "Kurt, its going to be okay. You'll survive I promise. We have to say goodbye now, they cannot wait any longer to move the wrec-"

"NO I cannot say goodbye, I won't"

"Then goodbye Kurt, tell everyone I love them" **click**.

That was it.

They all sat around lost in thought, trying to fully grasp the fact that their best friend was dying right that second miles away and there was not a thing they could do. Then the headmaster began to speak again. Something about a class meeting and them telling their classmates about Blaine. They followed the headmaster blindly into the elevator and ascended to the third floor, longing to be anywhere but in front of 100 people at that moment. As they walked into the impromptu meeting, everyone turned to look at them. The normally dapper Dalton Warblers were quite a site with puffy eyes, red noses, and wet cheeks. They stood in silence for a few minutes. Time was different now for the boys, knowing that each second that passed was a second closer to the phone call relaying Blaine's death.

Finally Nick spoke.

"The last ten minutes were the best and worst of my life. I don't know if I can explain what happened since they passed so quickly but I'll try. We were pulled out of class by Blaine…well a phone call from him. He was sitting in a car that was against a tree and the pressure was sustaining his life. He stopped them from cutting him out to make four phone calls, on to each of us."

Nick nodded to the boys standing next to him. "He was brave in him goodbyes. He hardly cried and actually wound up comforting us, when we should have been consoling him. He shared words of inspiration, and memories, and everything that came to his head in the two minutes we talked. Then he said goodbye."

Wes stepped forward, relieving Nick of the burden.

"They are cutting him out of the car now. When they do, there is a 90% chance that he is not going to make it. So-yeah-but you know B, was there ever a test he didn't get above a 90 on? He would hate this, us sitting around this morning and silently regretting our mistakes."

As Wes spoke, Kurt's mind was on overdrive. _Why was the clock moving? B was dying, why wasn't the world stopping to morn? Why were teachers and people telling us to try and focus? Why were they saying there was nothing we could do? And why the hell has no one called? We need to know when it happens, if he is hurt, if…if…if their world stopped like ours is. And most important, WHY IS THIS HAPPENING? _

Nick was also lost inside his head, thinking back to the summer when he and Blaine spent an entire night watching Harry Potter on mute and quoting the lines. He was so lost in memories that David had to tell him his phone was vibrating in his pocket. He looked at the caller ID and saw a 967 number. Shit Connecticut, B's home state.

He was horrified to answer.

This was it; he knew that this was it. The end. The final goodbye. And he was the one who had to hear it. He was the one who had to relay it. Blaine had said he was the strongest, and so he was testing him, making him act strong. There was no way Nick was going to let Blaine down. He mustered all of his courage.

"Hello?"

"Hi Nick, its Cooper, Blaine's brother. Umm I was told to call this number with information"

"Oh god, did he, I mean is he, umm, funeral...?"

"He is in surgery, so he made it. But barely."

"So he's alive…he's okay." Nick shouted, catching the attention of everyone in the room. There eyes glued to his face as they learned of Blaine's fate. Everyone was smiling as Nick said, "They said he was dead for sure. Ohh God. He's going to be okay."

Then, Nick's face dropped.

"Umm, not quite. Yes, he made it out of the car, but the road ahead is almost more dangerous… WhennIf he makes it out of surgery today, he will be out of it for a long time, months. And after that, they still have to deal with all his other injuries and he may have brain damage. So yeah, right now he is alive but now the challenge is to stay that way. But B is a fighter, I want to believe he will be okay and a year from now, this will all just be a horrid memory.

"Yeah, keep me updated okay? And make sure Blaine knows our thoughts are with him?"

"Good-bye" click

AN: Please review? Should I continue? Next chapter would be how the boys cope with Blaine's condition.


	3. Beginning and Ends

Months later, Cooper and Blaine stood in the shadows of Dalton Academy. "Are you sure you're ready for this, I mean its only been seven months, four of which you were in a coma. Things will be different now, you know that right, are you sure you can handle it"

The past few months had been rough on Blaine. After waking up from his coma, he had to comes to terms the with loss of so much of his life. Instead of looking to his friends, he had retracted into himself, afraid of exposing his flaws to the outside world. Thus, everyone at Dalton assumed that he was still in a coma. Now, he stood outside of Dalton, finally ready to face his future rather than dwelling on his past.

"I have never been surer of anything, and I don't want anyone knowing I am coming back, I don't want too much fanfare. I just want it to be like nothing happened, like I am coming back to a normal school day and a normal life."

"That's going to be impossible, they miss you so much. It's not like you were missing for a day Blaine you have been gone." Cooper sighed. He had been dealing with the anxious Warblers for months. True to Blaine's desires, he did not tell them that he was awake. Rather, he filled them in on small improvements. "They don't know that you are walking an talking and being. Why the hell didn't you tell them?"

"I don't know."

"Okay, well that was your dumb decisions. But anyway I'm coming in with you, and sitting in on all your classes all day, just to make sure you look okay."

"Fine Coop, there is no one in the senior commons, let's get in the elevator and go to Dr. Joven's class."

As Cooper opened the door into the school, Blaine felt transported back ten months ago. He felt as if he had never left, like none of the crap he had been though had happened. He felt right and at home. And at that moment, all he wanted was to assimilate with no big deal. He wanted his life to be normal again. On the elevator he began to get butterflies. What if his friends were angry? Or if they moved on?

As Blaine looked into the classroom window, he felt as though he were staring into an alternate universe. The people whom he had known so well had changed so much. He hadn't talked to them in months. They were all sitting in their regular seats, his was unoccupied, but as he watched them he noticed that each would instantaneously glace at his vacant chair. They looked so different, so sad, so dejected, so hopeless. He missed seeing the joy and witty banter of the class. The whole dynamic was off. Why? He opened the door, mentally preparing himself for what was coming.

As was the usual, when the door opened, everyone glanced around. Then something unusual happened, they did a double take and then they really looked at him and for an instant, didn't seem to believe what was before their eyes.

While he had been planning what to say for months, they were speechless.

"I have a late slip, sorry it is seven months in coming" He said to Dr. Joven, as they stared at him in utter confusion. Then it hit them, He was here, he was okay, He was in front of them and although he was still uneasy on his feet and on crutches, they surrounded him.

"You're here?" muttered Nick. He looked like a lion now. No longer was he the clean cut boy of yesteryear, but now he embraced his hairiness and looked amazing. He glanced at his computer screen, he had a girlfriend and she was pretty. Wes was next. His hug almost knocked him off his feet. Then Jeff, then Sebastian then David, and then everyone else in the room.

He had to sit down; he was getting dizzy from all the commotion. They all followed his led and sat down as well. After an instant in the room, he sensed that the dynamic was back. They were laughing and joking and everyone looked genuinely happy. It was an amazing transformation. They rest of the period went by in a blur, and before long they had to venture into the hallway. He was again afraid. He saw those who meant most to him, but now, he had to face the fake masses in a class meeting.

They all waited with him until the hall was empty, then as he and Jeff took the elevator, the other guys ran upstairs to meet them. Then, the four of them walked triumphantly into the classroom, united again, and happier than ever.

Again the room went silent upon his entrance. Everyone was confused. Then everything got loud and hectic. Nick tried to get everyone to settle but it was near impossible. He knew that all Blaine wanted was to be normal, and this was far from it. He looked at him and behind the gloss of happiness saw a longing to be alone with those he cared for. In that instant, Nick made the decision to grab Blaine's bag, Wes, Jeff and David and go to the Warbler's practice room where they had spent so many days together. Once inside, they turned the lights out and just talked. Their classes seemed fruitless and their teachers understood that.

"So how are you, really" Jeff asked.

"Umm, well better than I was before for sure.."

"Care to elaborate?" Wes replied.

"Yeah B, be serious, its us" Nick added.

"Then I am getting there. It had been hell and sometimes I think it would have been easier to have gone after I talked to you guys that day. I mean not that I wanted to die, I just think that the pain was a bit much, you know?"

"Not really, but I will take your word" Wes said. And with that, they all began to laugh to hard, they cried. Then, from there, they all began to really cry. Cry about their almost loss, cry about the time that was gone, cry about their collective pain, and cry about the intensity of their conversation the day of the accident.

After talking for ages, Blaine looked up and asked, "Hey, guys, where is Kurt?"

Their faces dropped.

Blaine was confused.

"Let's not worry about _him_ now B; you're here and we are going to have a party for you."

"Okay we will party, trust me I need it, but I also need to see Kurt. Guys, our sudo-goodbye was intense and I have to see him. What class does he have?"

There was a pause in the room and Blaine could feel the tension mounting. Finally, Wes spoke.

"B, Kurt tried to kill himself a few months ago. He, um, well, he…."

As Wes trailed off, Jeff took over. "He couldn't deal with everything moving forward when you were standing still"

"So…um…did he do it?"

_Should I tell His…how will it affect him…. He does not deserve this much pull over His. God look at those eyes. A day ago I would have given anything to see those eyes alive with laughter again but now…now I just see horror and fear. Kurt's such a jackass._

Nick finally opened his mouth after a moment of intense thought. "He is okay…I guess. Well I guess I should say he is physically okay…"

"Where is he? I have to go see him now, but someone is gonna have to drive me because.." Then the tears were again running down Blaine's face. The boys looked at him and saw the complete guilt and anguish in his eyes. That moment they all knew that although Kurt did not deserve a visit from Blaine, they were surely provide it.

"Okay B, I'll grab my keys. Will you guys go sign us out?" And with that, Jeff jumped up and jogged off down the hall.

The ride to Kurt's house was heartbreaking. Blaine sat in the backseat, still battered from all of his injuries and although tears were streaming down his face, his eyes were closed, shielding his brain from thinking of the memories of being driven around by a friend in the rain. The boys watched at him eyes wide and fearful. Their friend who had looked so strong and perfect just an hour ago now looked feeble and scared.

Wes sat in the back, gently comforting Blaine. After 15 minutes, Blaine finally broke the silence.

"So you guys must think I am insane for wanting, no needing, to see Kurt. But I dunno. With Kurt, it has not always been great. Actually it has not been great for a really long time. Its just that when it was good, it was amazing. Better than anything I could have ever imagined. And although he was a complete dick for the past few months, I cannot forget who he was during our 10 hour phone calls or coffee runs. And I cannot believe he would do this…actually I can, he is Kurt, but _gosh_."

He was teary eyed again.

They pulled up to Kurt's house without another word. Nick helped Blaine out of the car, the others stayed behind. Blaine, Nick, and Kurt had always been the closest, even if not recently. Kurt's house had a billion stairs in front, and Blaine climbed them with determination, even though Nick could see the anguish in his eyes. When he reached the front door, he paused and looked meaningly at Nick.

"Do you think he will hate me? How does he look? Different? Sick?"

"God B, how could he hate you, and he looks the same I guess. His hair is different and he has a scar on his arm but other than that he is the same."

"So you have seen him recently then?"

"I try to come by every so ofter. He was a dick to me too, you know. I just couldn't not come. I definitely see why you need to be here."

They both took a deep breath.

_Knock, knock, knock_

Burt opened the door with wide eyes. He glanced at Nick, then grabbed Blaine. Without a word He gestured toward the spiral staircase downstairs. With another glace at Blaine, Burt changed his mind and hurried down alone.

"Oh my god Nick…"

"shhhh. B, its only Kurt."

Then, he came up the stairs. Kurt did not look at the door where his two closest friends stood. It was as if he thought that what his father told him would be a lie if he saw it himself. He walked right through the kitchen and leaned on the wall that faced the front door, eyes still glued on the floor with a passion that he had lacked in all the years they had known him.

Blaine spoke first.

"Hi Kurt. Sorry to just drop in on you."

Kurt's expression changed and he became hopeful that Blaine was there. Then, as if waiting for his dream to end, Kurt glanced up at Blaine. He saw the crutches and excess metal on his body first and that horrified him. He was scared to look at Blaine's face.

What if B looked different?

What if B were mangled?

Kurt kept raising his eyes; Blaine and Nick were patient with his progress. Finally Kurt's eyes met Blaine's. He took a breath.

**a/n please review...more to come!**


	4. Porch Talk

**a/n: sorry for the delayed update. In the past three weeks, I graduated from college, moved to a new apartment, and started a new job. Should be more regular now. I would really appreciate any feedback (good or bad).**

**Thanks!**

Text conversation is underlined

Kurt kept raising his eyes; Blaine and Nick were patient with his progress. Finally Kurt's eyes met Blaine's. He took a breath.

Nick stood silently, waiting for Blaine or Kurt to make a move. Knowing both of them so well, he could see the tension in Blaine's stance and Kurt's features. He knew that both were trying to gage the reality of the situation. The difference was that Blaine had months to prepare to see Kurt...Kurt had mere seconds. Knowing Kurt's penchant for the dramatic overreaction, Nick was not surprised to find the door to the Hummel's house slammed in their face.

Blaine was crushed.

Nick reacted instantly, grabbing a stumbling Blaine as he nearly fell off his crutches. Just as he fell into Nick's arms, a gut wrenching sob emerged from deep within Blaine. For months, Blaine had imagined his reunion with Kurt. He believed that his best friend would capture him in his arms and never let go. He envisioned a long night of catching up and talking and just finally being happy and together again. In his wildest dreams, Blaine even imaged Kurt kissing him and finally moving their relationship to something more than just friends. The problem was that the Kurt of Blaine's imagination was not the boy who stood on the other side of the thin door. Blaine's Kurt was gone...lost some time over the past year to popularity and later depression.

Blaine slowly began to calm down. He gained control of his breathing and, though tears wear still rushing down his face, he was finally able to stand on his own again. Nick tentatively let go.

"Blaine, maybe we should go. Kurt obviously does not want to see us right now. We should let him process and then come back some other time. Or, better yet, we should meet him for coffee at the Lima Bean or something. Some place public and neutral. Let's just give him the time he needs. You know Kurt, he freaks out and then comes around. Let's just go."

Without letting his eyes leave Kurt's door, Blaine responded to Nick. It was as if he knew that Kurt was still sitting on the other side of the thin wood, listening to their conversation. "I understand that he needs time, Nick. I need to see him. I need to hold him. I know that this year was not easy for any of you but you're right, Kurt does tend to take matters to the extreme." Blaine began to cry again. "He tried to _k-kill_ himself Nick. I can't just leave him. I will stay out here all night and wait until he is ready to see me."

Nick helped Blaine sit down on the top steps. He texted the rest of the guys, letting them know that it was going to be a long night and that they would need coffee and milkshakes to make it through.

NICK to WES: Hey man. Kurt won't come out and B won't leave. Coffee? May be a long one.

WES to NICK: Dude. No. B just got back. There is no way we are letting Kurt mess with him again. He deserves better. Tell him we are leaving and having a sleepover and my place. Let's go.

NICK to WES: You don't see him. He can't leave Wes. He is a mess. Kurt literally took one look at him and slammed the door in our face. I think that he needs to be here.

WES to NICK: No. He doesn't. He needs to be with people who actually give a shit about him. Make him leave. Do I need to come up there?

NICK to WES: Wesley, you really don't understand do you? They are in love. Always have been, always will be. B can't leave here and after all the shit he has been through I think that it is time he gets what he wants. So, if he wants to stay until next Thursday, I will be sitting here, next to my best friend. He needs to cope and integrate back into his life at his pace and in his way. So, if he needs to see Kurt, I will be here SUPPORTING him through that. You should too.

Nick continued to rub Blaine's back as he waited for Wes's reply. He was trying so hard to not get aggravated as he texted. He did not want Blaine to feel any more stress or pressure. He could see the toll that the interaction with Kurt had on his injured friend and just wanted to offer a small amount of comfort to ease his suffering. In that moment, Nick wished that Kurt was the boy he used to be...the one who lived with his heart on his sleeve and would have done anything to help a friend, especially Blaine. But, if Kurt couldn't be that person, Nick knew that he would have to do.

WES to NICK: We will bring peanut butter milkshakes and fries. Be back in 20.

Nick let out a breath and told Blaine about the food. His heart continued to break into a million pieces as he saw the lost and pained look in Blaine's eyes. Finally, Blaine spoke.

"I know that you all think I am crazy for sitting here and waiting. But since you told me that Kurt tried to... I just, I can't think of anything else. What would I have done if I came back and he was gone? I don't know that I could have handled that. The entire time I was in the hospital, I was bored out of my mind. I had watched everything good on Netflix and I couldn't read because of my concussion. So do you know what I did, Nick?"

Blaine actually stopped and waited for Nick's response. He wanted to be sure that he had Nick's full attention before revealing his big secret...his secret shame and comfort.

"No...what?"

"I thought about you guys. I wasn't ready to talk to you, but I thought about you. Constantly. I imagined what your lives would look like now. I pictured who each of you would be dating and what classes you would be taking and how you would be coping. I feel asleep every night envisioning my friends. I tried to imagine whether my absence would have any impact on you b-"

"You thought that it WOULDN'T? What the hell, Blaine? How could you think that? There was not a day that went by that you were not on all of our minds. We waited by the phone for word on you." Nick was getting frustrated; his voice rose. "_We_ thought about you constantly. _We_ called Coop obsessively. How could you even imagine that you being in a _coma_ would not affect the people in your life?" By the end of his speech, Nick was shouting at Blaine.

Blaine looked defeated. He responded in a barely audible whisper and refused to meet Nick's eyes.

"Because who was I, Nick? I was Kurt's best friend...then he trashed our friendship. I was in the Warblers with Wes and David and Jeff...but I was never as close to them as they were to each other. And you...I relied on you and trusted you..." He looked Nick in the eye. "...it was never enough. I was never enough. Face it, I was the one that you all came to when you needed something or someone to talk to. I wasn't BFF material." Blaine ended sarcastically.

Nick was in awe. Suddenly, there were tears rushing down his face. He had never felt so guilty in his life. He had abandoned Blaine before the accident. He knew Blaine was right...in the months leading up to it, Nick had found a home with the lacrosse team and never made an effort to introduce Blaine. Even when all the drama with Kurt was happening, Nick refused to take sides. What seemed nobel then, now seemed selfish and immature to Nick. He should have been there for Blaine.

Blaine broke the silence. "I don't blame you, Nick. I wouldn't have wanted to be my friend either. The point of this is that I sat up day and night while doing therapy thinking about all of you, and when I thought of Kurt, I pictured him happy and healthy. I just need to see that Kurt before I can leave."

The two descended into silence again. It was not awkward, but it was obvious that both were lost in thought. So much so that they neglected to hear Wes approaching with the food. Both graciously accepted their meals and then returned to the quiet. They had so much to say and catch up on, but nothing seemed right after their conversation.

Half way through his milkshake, Blaine began to sob. Unlike earlier, Nick's comfort was not enough to calm him down. He was hyperventilating and spiraling fast. Nothing Nick was doing was working...he needed help.

NICK to WES: Shit. IDK what happened. B is having a panic attack.

WES to NICK: Coming. What did you do?

NICK to WES: Nothing. We weren't even talking. Hurry!

After texting Wes, Nick turned his complete focus to Blaine.

"B, you have to calm down. Okay. Calm. Breathe like me...in, out, in...no...come on Blaine." Nothing. "Blaine, SHIT! BLAINE!?...do we need to go to the hospital?"

Between the sobs, Blaine let out a small "Nn-n-no." Nick began to focus on what Blaine was saying. What he heard broke his heart. Blaine was constantly repeating "Why doesn't anyone want me? Why am I not good enough? Why is it always me?"

Nick felt someone sit on the other side of Blaine and push his arm off Blaine's shoulders. He figured it was Wes, finally there to relieve him of the emotional drama. For the first time since Kurt slammed the door, Nick looked at his clock and realized they had been sitting on Kurt's porch for over 5 hours. As he considered that chuck of time, he noticed how much quieter it had gotten...Blaine had stopped sobbing. Nick looked up to thank Wes only to see Kurt with Blaine cradled in his lap.

***THIS IS A TRANSITION/FILLER CHAPTER. More exciting reunion next chapter! **


	5. Beginning to Heal and Looking Back

_Between the sobs, Blaine let out a small "Nn-n-no." Nick began to focus on what Blaine was saying. What he heard broke his heart. Blaine was constantly repeating "Why doesn't anyone want me? Why am I not good enough? Why is it always me?"_

_Nick felt someone sit on the other side of Blaine and push his arm off Blaine's shoulders. He figured it was Wes, finally there to relieve him of the emotional drama. For the first time since Kurt slammed the door, Nick looked at his clock and realized they had been sitting on Kurt's porch for over 5 hours. As he considered that chunk of time, he noticed how much quieter it had gotten...Blaine had stopped sobbing. Nick looked up to thank Wes only to see Kurt with Blaine cradled in his lap._

Looking at the two boys comforting each other, Nick was transported back two years. He was overwhelmed with memories of them just hanging out and being happy. As Blaine continued to calm down, the memory became more vivid for Nick. Suddenly, it was like the past year had not happened and the three of them were just hanging out at Kurt's house. Nick forgot that one of his best friends had been in a coma for months and that the other had tried to kill himself. Rather, he escaped to their collective past. For a few minutes, he was able to forget about the chaos of the past year and just live in the moment. Nick was rattled from his memories by Wes's sudden appearance.

Wes arrived on the scene expecting the worse. From Nick's text, he knew that Blaine was not doing well with the whole Kurt situation. As he approached the house, he was shocked by the silence. Then, he saw it. Three best friends, sitting together. Blaine on Kurt's lap with his face buried in Kurt's neck, Nick holding Kurt's hand. If Wes had not known better, he would assume that the three were content, not emotionally wrecked. Taking in the scene, Wes knew that Blaine and Kurt needed time together. He carefully approached Nick and untangled the boy from his friends.

"Nick, let's go back to the car for a bit." Wes hesitantly suggested. It seemed like his words woke Nick from a trance. The boy looked at his two friends, cuddled on the porch and down at his hand, intertwined with Kurt's.

"Yeah...um. Okay. I'll just...umm. Kurt." Nick mumbled.

"Nick, it is fine. I've got B. You go with Wes. The two of us, we'll be okay. Just come back in like 30 minutes...okay?" Kurt's voice was strong as he spoke to Nick. Blaine remained silent as Nick and Wes retreated back to the car.

Now that the boys were alone, neither knew what to say to the other. They just enjoyed the togetherness while considering their next move.

"Blaine? B let's go inside."

Kurt gently helped Blaine stand, handed him his crutches, and walked him through the front door. Once inside, Blaine began to cry again. He cried for the time he lost, he cried for the fight he and Kurt had, he cried for the fact that Kurt was almost gone. As he cried, Kurt walked him to the couch and tried to sit them down together. Blaine had a different idea. He laid down on the couch and pulled Kurt down with him. Instead of spooning, however, Blaine made Kurt lay face-to-face. As he cried, he stared into Kurt's blue eyes. Eyes that he twice thought he would never see again: once in the car and again when Kurt's suicide attempt was announced. After just looking at each other for what seemed like hours, the boys began to talk.

"Blaine, I cannot believe you are here! What is going on? I thought you were...you...just not you. When did you get back? How long have you been awake. Why didn't you call?" As Kurt spoke, his voice shifted from loud and confident to a mere whisper. His eyes glazed over. He thought that Blaine had been dead. He had been so lost for months. He couldn't forgive himself for their fight. While Blaine gathered his thoughts, Kurt's mind returned to the months after the crash. He considered the massive hole in his life from where Blaine had been.

_Two months post crash - Blaine's Coma: 58 days_

_Nothing had been the same for two months. The entire world had flipped on its side and one of the best people in it was gone. Well, not gone but not here. Kurt could barely function. He checked his phone every few minutes, waiting on word that a miracle had happened and Blaine had woken. For the first month after the accident the teachers did not mind when Kurt, Nick, Wes, or David had their phones in class or did not pay attention to lecture. This comforted the boys. It made Blaine's absence real. After that first month and with AP tests rapidly approaching, the teachers had to crack down on their classes. They banned cell phones and tried to engage the lost boys into their lectures. All of the boys slowly slipped back into their lives - Wes rejoined the lacrosse team, wearing Blaine's jersey instead of his own; David went back to running through the neighborhood he and Blaine lived in, finally able to look at his friend's house; and Nick became Nick again._

_After months as an empty shell, Nick embraced Blaine's final words and realized that his friend may never come back. Blaine said he had to be strong for everyone else. He had to live for Blaine, so he got a girlfriend (he couldn't get a boyfriend for Blaine, so he figured it was good enough), grew out his hair, and tried to live his life as if Blaine were next to him. At night, Nick had conversations in his mind with Blaine, he laid awake in bed for hours, just imaging them catching up. He asked Blaine for advice and thought hard about what his friend would say. In his old notepad, he shared everything with Blaine, writing ever minute detail of his and his friends lives so that when Blaine returned, he wouldn't be lost. This allowed Nick to cope with the absence of his friend. Writing and crying and engaging in the world saved Nick from the massive black depression that threatened him during those first few months._

_Kurt never began to cope. To him, coping was acknowledging that Blaine was not returning. It was accepting that the accident had happen. It more, it was accepting that he had been a jerk to Blaine for months before the accident. Kurt couldn't accept any of that. In fact, had it not been for the promise of a phone call on Blaine's condition at noon everyday during the first month, Kurt would not have been able to leave bed. Those phone calls tied him to Blaine and ensured that they were still a part of each other's lives. He lived for those calls. But although Kurt came to school during that first month, he was not Kurt. He barely styled his hair, wore sweatpants that everyone suspected were Blaine's, and rarely talked with anyone if it was not about his missing friend. It was as if the school lost Kurt and Blaine that night. _

_After the first month, the phone calls stopped. The parents claimed that everyone needed to start living again and that the phone calls were preventing that. They promised to call whenever something big happened, but it wasn't enough for Kurt. His sole purpose was those phone calls. He needed to see Blaine, to apologize, to fix them...to try and be more than friends. The accident made him realize that he always had just assumed his life and future were Blaine. He also knew that they would go to school in Boston - Blaine at Harvard, Kurt at Berkelee - and live in an adorable apartment in Cambridge. He believed that they would both graduate, get great jobs - Blaine as a consultant and Kurt as a designer - and live happily ever after. This future was so certain in Kurt's mind. _

_Dating other guys was just a way for him to bide time before his real life began with his best friend. Now that the future he alwaus imagine was in turmoil Kurt did not know how to act. It killed him that he never shared his vision with Blaine and they he might not be able to. _

_Kurt held on for two months, waiting for news of Blaine. Finally, at the near two month anniversary, they received the call they had been dreading: Blaine was making no progress, they did not expect him to wake up. _

_Kurt's world spiraled. While this news was the catalyst for the other boys to grieve their friend and slowly get their lives back, Kurt couldn't imagine a life without Blaine. He retreated farther within himself and disconnected completely from his life. He began skipping school to sit at the playground he and Blaine used to drink slurpees at. He refused to talk to Nick when the boy came by to check on him. He called Blaine's cell phone nightly, just to hear his voice on the voicemail. On the particularly bad nights, Kurt would even put in home videos of Nick, Blaine, and him doing stupid impromptu shows or even stupider dares. Kurt's entire life became Blaine. _

_A month later, three months into the coma, Kurt's dad tried to shake his son from his near catatonic obsessive state. While Burt wanted to have a calm conversation, Kurt's lack of acknowledgment angered the man. Before long, he found himself screaming "BLAINE IS NEVER COMING BACK! YOU HAVE TO ACCEPT THAT AND MOVE ON WITH YOUR LIFE. GREVE, GO TO COUNCILING, JOIN A SUPPORT GROUP, HANG OUT WITH NICK...BUT THIS, THIS KURT IS OVER. BLAINE WOULD WANT YOU TO GET A LIFE." At the mention of his missing friend's name, the barrier broke and Kurt began to sob. He ran upstairs and into his bathroom. Blinded by missing his friend and the gaping hole in his life, Kurt felt so lost. He woke up three days later in the hospital, surrounded by a tired looking Nick and his worried family. Three days after that he was realized from suicide watch and allowed back home. His dad allowed him to register for classes online and sent him to grief counciling twice a week. Nick went over whenever possible. Nearly losing Kurt after losing Blaine was almost to much for Nick. It nearly broke through his facade of being fine. The night after Kurt's attempt, Nick filled half a notebook for Blaine. _

As Kurt considered the missing months, Blaine began to speak. At the sound of his voice, Kurt started to cry. It was a voice he had only heard through an old voicemail for months. As Blaine relayed his story, he gently rubbed Kurt's back, comforting the boy.

After they both said what they needed to say, they remained on the couch for hours. They spoke infrequently, not really having a conversation but not wanting to no hear each other's voice. In all their talking, neither mentioned the last phone call they had. It was too soon for that. They just enjoyed each other's company.

At one point, after the two had calmed down, Kurt shifted, revealing his arm to Blaine. Seeing the scars took Blaine's breath away. As Kurt

Nick returned hesitantly after an hour.


End file.
